Grinning at good joke

Asked To Leave

The bouncer said to me, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

I said, “Why?”

They said, “I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline.”

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Rare Disease

The doctor looked at my test results and said, “Sir, you’ve got a very rare disease.”

I said, “How rare?”

He said, “You pick the name.”

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Undercover Cop

Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform.

I thought it was a bit odd.

Then I realised he was one of those plane clothes cops.

Funny rabbit joke

Say No To Drugs

The saying, “Say no to drugs” has always made me laugh.

If you’re talking to drugs, it’s probably too late to say no to them.

Smiley grinning at good joke

Listening Skills

I asked my girlfriend to rate my listening skills.

She said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

Jellyfish Sting

My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!”

So I peed on it and said, “That’s for stinging my wife!”

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Strongest Days

Which days are the strongest?

Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays but Saturday and Sunday are where the weekends.

Smiley grinning at good joke

Sorry For The Delay

I went to the doctor’s today and when I walked in, she said, “I’m sorry about your wait.”

I said, “So am I but it’s okay, I’ve been fat all my life.”

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Office Security Guard

My boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office.

I’m on season 6 now but I’m not really sure what it’s got to do with security.

Rabbit smiley laughing at a good joke

About The Menu…

I said to the waitress, “Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She said, “The men I please are none of your business!”

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

Valentine’s Day Flowers

My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”

I replied, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”