We’ve published our collection of good comebacks to insults before but sometimes you’ve just got to be pre-emptive and get your funny insults in first! And if you’re going to do that you’ll need a great set of insults for any occasion.
So with that in mind, here’s our collection of funny insults primed and ready to go…
What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?
If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an ass.
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
You’ve got less meat in your pants than there is in a vegetarian restaurant.
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
Learn from your parent’s mistake…
Use birth control.
Your face makes onions cry.
If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid.
I’m not saying that I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile.
I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
Why don’t you slip into something a little more comfortable…
Like a coma.
I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
You’re about as useful as a vibrator with no batteries.
Your family tree must be a cactus, because everybody on it’s a prick.
You look like a before picture.
You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
Of course I talk like an idiot…
How else would you understand me?
What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said.
Oh my God, look at the state of you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
I’d love to insult you, but I won’t do as well as nature did.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for example.
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.
You’re living proof that evolution can go in reverse.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
Are you always an idiot, or just when I’m around?
I’d give you a slap, but that’d be animal abuse.
You’re so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
We all sprang from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.
You’re so ugly the only dates you get are on a calendar.
You’re the reason they invented double doors.
You’re so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks.
If you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
You’ve got a great face for make up.
If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.
If I had a face like yours I’d wish I was blind.
You didn’t just fall out of the stupid tree, you were dragged through dumbass forest.
Shut up, you’ll never be the man your mother is.
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
Maybe if you ate some of that make up you could be pretty on the inside.
Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. Are you sure you weren’t made in China?
I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you’ve got bad luck when it comes to thinking.
You look like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
Mirrors can’t talk, and lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
There’s only one problem with your face…
I can see it.
I’ve seen people like you before, but last time I had to pay an admission.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?
I’d say you’re funny, but looks aren’t everything.
I bet your brain feels good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
Whatever’s eating at you…
Must be suffering horribly.
Behind every fat woman there’s a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
If you enjoyed our set of funny insults, be sure to check out our page of funny Yo Momma jokes too, as well as the rest of our funny jokes, such as these: