Funny Halloween Jokes For Adults
Halloween is a great celebration night for the kids, but there’s no reason that they have to be the only ones to have fun.
With that in mind, here is a collection of funny Halloween jokes for adults to make your Halloween night one filled with laughter.
Enjoy these Halloween jokes…
I knew it would come back to haunt me.
Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules…
but on Halloween she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
I looked at him and asked, “What have you come as?”
He said, “A werewolf.”
I said, “But you’re not wearing a costume. You’ve just got your normal clothes on.”
He said, “Yeah well, it’s not a full moon yet, is it?”
The nun replies, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you have had a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
The cab driver hesitates for a moment and then says, “Well it’s like this; I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me.”
The nun replies, “Ok well, let’s see what we can do about that, shall we. There are two conditions though – firstly you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, yes! I am single and I’m Catholic too!”
The nun then says, “Ok then, pull into the next alley.”
The cab driver does so and the nun duly goes ahead and fulfills his fantasy. They get back on the road and start driving again, but the cab driver soon starts to cry.
The nun sees this and asks him, “My dear child, pray tell, why are you crying?”
The cab driver says, “You must forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied to you – I must confess that I’m married and I’m also Jewish.”
The nun laughs and says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer… I’ll pop back next year.
I asked her “What are you suppose to be?”
She said, “Puss in boots.”
So I went into the kitchen and put a potato on my penis. When I came back out, she asked me, “What are you suppose to be?”
I said, “If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator…”
I really hope they appreciated my home made toffee onions.
I logged back in to Google Plus.
None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn’t slain that giant pumpkin.
It’s the only time I can take her out as she’s been dead for ten years.
and fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
I said, “Well, we could always take them to your mother’s.”
“Yeah well,” she shouted back, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.'”
They get a better grip on their broom.
If you enjoyed our funny Halloween jokes for adults, why not check out our other funny Halloween jokes, including these: