45 Funny Golf Quotes And Sayings!

These funny golf quotes and sayings are bound to have you hooked. That’s because we’ve had the fore-sight to only include the very best examples!

It has to be said that the game of golf can be incredibly frustrating at times, even for the best of golfers. This collection of hilarious quotes about golf will help to relieve the stress, so enjoy them!

45 Funny Golf Quotes

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.
Lee Trevino

They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.
P. G. Wodehouse

It’s considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

It’s a funny old game. One day you’re a statue, the next you’re a pigeon.
Peter Alliss

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
Ben Hogan

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

Golf is a game in which you yell “Fore”, shoot six, and write down five.
Paul Harvey

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
John Updike

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
G. K. Chesterton

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
Bob Hope

I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
Bruce Lansky

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
Lee Trevino

The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.
Unknown

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Harry Toscano

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Tiger Woods

We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.
Bruce Lansky

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Jimmy Demaret

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
Henry Cotton

I made the last putt. It just didn’t go in.
Tom Kite

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
Mickey Mantle

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henry Youngman

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
Winston Churchill

Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.
Dave Marr

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Dean Martin

Golf is a mental disorder.
Edgar Rice Burroughs

Golf… is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
P.G. Wodehouse

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers

Boredom forces you to ring people you haven’t seen for eighteen years and halfway through the conversation you remember why you left it so long. Boredom means you start to read not only mail-order catalogues but also the advertising inserts that fall on the floor. Boredom gives you half a mind to get a gun and go berserk in the local shopping centre, and you know where this is going. Eventually, boredom means you will take up golf.
Jeremy Clarkson

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
P.G. Wodehouse

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald Ford

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
H.L. Mencken

The only thing more boring than watching golf, is listening to people talk about the golf they are watching.
T.C. Slonaker

You know what the game of golf is, don’t you? It’s basketball for people who can’t jump and chess for people who can’t think.
Tom Robbin

Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man’s sins.
James Barrett Reston

I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I’m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.
Ewan McGregor

The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman – a matter of millimetres.
Ian Fleming

“After all, golf is only a game,” said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is any kink in their character. They simply don’t realise what they’re saying.
P.G. Wodehouse

Somebody once said that good conversation should be like a tennis match, with each player gracefully sending the ball back across the net; instead, most conversation is like a golf game, with each player stroking only his own ball, and waiting impatiently for the other to finish.
Sydney J. Harris