Funny Golf Quotes And SayingsFunny Golf Quotes & Sayings

These funny golf quotes and sayings are bound to have you hooked.

That's because we've had the fore-sight to only include the very best examples!

So enjoy them...

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron. ~ Lee Trevino

They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. ~ Raymond Floyd

To find a man's true character, play golf with him. ~ P. G. Wodehouse

It's a funny old game. One day you're a statue, the next you're a pigeon. ~ Peter Alliss

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. ~ Dave Barry

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. ~ Ben Hogan

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. ~ Gerald R. Ford

Golf is a game in which you yell "Fore", shoot six, and write down five. ~ Paul Harvey

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~ John Updike

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~ G. K. Chesterton

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine. ~ Bruce Lansky

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino

The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~ Phyllis Diller

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well. ~ Unknown

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them. ~ Harry Toscano

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. ~ Tiger Woods

We learn so many things from golf - how to suffer, for instance. ~ Bruce Lansky

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~ Jim Bishop

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. ~ Jimmy Demaret

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds. ~ Henry Cotton

I made the last putt. It just didn't go in. ~ Tom Kite

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henry Youngman

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. ~ Winston Churchill

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot. ~ Dave Marr

Funny Golf Quotes

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