The following are genuine funny test answers given by real students in exams.
They're hilarious, but at the same time it's slightly worrying for the future of the human race that students could give such hilariously funny test answers.
Anyway, enjoy these exam howlers!
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother’s son?"
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anarchist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
More Exam Howlers
Q. How do you identify athlete's foot?
A. It's at the end of athlete's leg.
Q. When Queen Elizabeth I came to the throne what was the first thing she did?
A. Sat down.
Q. Define capital punishment.
A. When you get in trouble for not putting a capital letter at the start of a sentence.
Q. Name 3 benefits of regular training.
A. 1. It's cheaper than driving. 2. You can read on the train. 3. They have a snack trolley.
Q. If a coastal arch collapses, what word would describe the remaining rock?
Q. Deserts can be hot and cold. Name a hot desert and a cold desert.
A. Hot desert - apple crumble with custard. Cold desert - jelly and ice cream.
Q. How did the Romans transport water?
A. Via ducks.
Q. Name an expanse of salty water that's smaller than an ocean.
A. A tear.
Q. How can you tell where a river is on an Ordnance Survey Map?
A. It's the bit that's wet.
Q. Write the longest sentence you can, using appropriate punctuation.
A. 50 years to life.
Q. What does Antonym mean?
A. I don't know what he means, but you've spelled his name wrong, Miss.
Q. Why did the infamous 1605 Gunpowder Plot fail?
A. Someone forgot to bring the matches.
Q. What are fossil fuels used for?
A. Powering dinosaurs.
Q. Describe the characteristics of a triangular prism.
A. A place with a pointed roof where bad people are locked up.
Q. How does your humerus differ from your fibular?
A. One's funny and one lies a lot.
Q. What is the primary function of hamstrings?
A. Keep the Sunday roast in one piece until you're ready to eat it.
Q. Briefly explain what hard water is.
A. It's ice.
Q. What are vibrations?
A. There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations where discovered in the 60s.
Q. Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
A. Learning to speak Latin.
Q. Tapeworms are hermaphrodites. What is meant by the term "hermaphrodite"?
A. Lady Gaga.
Q. What do we call the science of classifying living things?
Q. What did have Mahatma Ghandi and Ghengis Khan have in common?
A. Unusual names.
Q. Name six animals that live specifically in the Arctic.
A. Two polar bears and four seals.
Q. Why would living close to a mobile phone mast cause ill health?
A. You might walk into it.
Q. Explain the phrase 'free press'.
A. When your mum irons your trousers for you.
Q. Joanne works in an office. Her computer is a stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?
A. It doesn't come with a chair.
Q. Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?
A. He could find out by checking his speedometer.
Q. To change centimeters to meters, you?
A. Take out centi.
Q. Imagine you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say to him or ask him?
A. I'd tell him not to go to a play ever.
Q. Miranda can't see anything when she looks down her microscope. Suggest one reason why not.
A. She is blind.
Q. The first cells were probably...
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