25+ Funny Easter Quotes And Sayings!

These eggs-cellent quotes about Easter are sure to crack you up!

Easter is a great time of year, with Easter egg hunts and lots of chocolate. It’s also a serious religious time too, of course, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a laugh, as these funny Easter quotes show. Enjoy them, and Happy Easter!

Any holiday which starts with a ‘Good Friday’ can’t be all bad.
Unknown

Easter shopping tip: When buying your daughter that frilly new Easter dress, try to visualize how it’ll look with chocolate and grass stains all over it.
Melanie White

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
Amy Sedaris

Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse.
Melanie White

My mom asked me what I’m doing at Easter. I said the same as Jesus – going out Friday, coming back Monday.
Unknown

I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.
Melanie White

My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.
A. J. Jamal

Easter has been cancelled – they found the body.
Jim Butcher

The real reason Easter is on a different day each year is because sometimes it’s difficult to remember which lie you told.
Jimmy Carr

Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.
Melanie White

I’m a little hoarse tonight. I’ve been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
Fred Allen

If you believe in the Easter Bunny, it means you believe in a fat, purple bunny, which is pooping multi-color eggs in your garden.
Alex Antunes

Funny Easter Egg Quotes

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, “When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off.”
Jon Stewart

Easter is the only time of the year when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket.
Unknown

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit… left chocolate eggs in the night.
Bill Hicks

They have Easter egg hunts in Philadelphia, and if the kids don’t find the eggs, they get booed.
Bob Uecker

Easter eggs are probably the weirdest part about this great holiday. Rabbits laying eggs and then children run around finding them and eating them thinking that they are chocolate.
Unknown

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!
Lucy Van Pelt

Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead – and we get chocolate eggs. It’s like turn-down service from God.
Denis Leary

I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.
Caroline Rhea

What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises.
Chuck Palahniuk

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics.
Marvin Olasky

Funny Catholic Easter Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
Adam Ferrara

Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
Melanie White

Here’s the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.
Denis Leary

Easter is of course to celebrate Jesus returning from the dead. Fair enough, it is difficult to resist a packet of mini eggs isn’t it?
Jimmy Carr

Suppose that you didn’t make your Easter duty and it’s Pentecost Sunday, the last day, and you’re on a ship at sea. And the chaplain goes into a coma! But you wanted to receive. And then it’s Monday, too late… But then you cross the International Date Line! Would that then be a sin then, Father?
George Carlin