College jokes reflect the great times students have. College days are some of the best days of your life, a time to study and learn but also to have fun and to laugh. And to drink too, of course!
And if you’re well-schooled in the subject of laughter, then you’ll appreciate these funny college jokes.
Funny College Jokes
“Where did you get such a gread bike?” asks the first engineer.
The second engineer replies, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, just minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, laid on the ground, and said to me that I could take whatever I wanted.”
The second engineer nods approvingly and says, “Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway.”
“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” the student asked.
“To save lives,” replied the professor.
The student thought for a moment and then asked, “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student for a while without saying a word.
Finally, he said, “Physics saves lives because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”
A smartass guy sat at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The whole class do their best to stifle their laughter but can’t help giggling.
When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
One of them asked him, “What’s the big brass gong and hammer for?”
“That’s the talking clock”, the student replied.
His friend was confused and asked, “How does it work?”
The student said, “Watch…” and then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off will you, it’s two o’clock in the morning!”
As the cop, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he asked the banker, “I’ve got just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”
As he enters the school he sees a dog attacking a small child.
The broker quickly jumps on the dog and strangles it.
The next day, the local paper runs the story with the headline “Valiant Student Saves Boy From Vicious Dog.”
When the broker sees the paper, he calls the editor of the paper and strongly suggests that a correction be printed, pointing out that he’s no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The next day, the paper issues a correction, with a headline saying, “Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot.”
The president says, “But you already make more than the entire History department.”
The coach says angrily, “Maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with. Watch…”
With that the coach goes into the hall and grabs a jock who’s jogging down the hallway.
He says to him, “Run over to my office and see if I’m there.”
Twenty minutes later the jock comes back, covered in sweat and breathing heavily.
He says to the coach, “You’re not there, sir.”
The president scratches his head as he says, “Oh, I see what you mean. I would have phoned.”
A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
She glanced down the hall, closed the door and knelt before him as she said, “I’d do anything to pass this exam.”
As she leaned even closer, she whispered seductively, “And I mean, anything…”
The professor looked down at her and asked her, “Anything?”
She repeated, “Anything.”
The professor asked again in a quiet voice, “Anything?”
The student smiled, and again said seductively, “Anything at all.”
The professor’s voice turned to a whisper as he asked, “Would… you… study??”
“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room said, “Yeah, right.”