Funny Christian Jokes And Humor
Although religion is a serious business, even religion can't be serious all the time. Christian jokes are a great way of bringing a bit of humor and lightness to the normal seriousness. And they're funny too!
So with that in mind, here's a great collection of funny Christian jokes and humor; we hope you enjoy them.
God laughed and said, "Okay then, show me. Go ahead..."
So the scientist bent down and picked up a handful of dirt but God stopped him.
"Oh no you don't. " said God. "Get your own dirt."
My friend said, "But I'm already in the Army of the Lord."
The preacher said to him, "Then why do I never see you in Church save for Easter and Christmas?"
My friend replied, "I'm in the secret service."
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
Paddy says, "Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, "Get out, Paddy, you idiot! You're on my side."
His mother smiled at him and said reassuringly, "There's no need to be afraid of the dark. Jesus is out there and he'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy seemed unsure and said, "Are you sure Jesus is out there?"
The mother said, "Yes, I'm sure. Jesus is everywhere and is always there and ready to help when you're in need."
The boy thought for a moment, then went to the back door and opened it a tiny amount. He looked out into the darkness and called out, "Jesus - if you're out there, please pass me the broom."
The priest tells him to pray to God for forgiveness and to be cured and adds, "If you're not cured in a week, come back to see me again and bring me a new television."
"What are they?", asked little Johnny curiously.
His dad explained, "They're called palm fronds. People held them above Jesus' head as he walked by them."
"Well that's just my luck," said little Johnny. "The one Sunday you don't make me go to church and Jesus shows up."
Then one day, a new member of the congregation called Bill left his pickup parked all afternoon outside the town's one and only bar. Of course this was spotted by Maureen who accused Bill of being an alcoholic and told him and the other members of the congregation that everyone who saw his truck there would know what he was doing.
Bill didn't talk much at the best of times, and here he didn't say anything at all. He just stared at her for a while and then turned and walked away without trying to come up with any explanations or excuses.
Later that evening, he parked his truck outside of Maureen's house and left it there all night.
"Why do you say that?" I asked him.
He said, "Well nowadays I'm always going into a room and then stopping and thinking what did I come in here after?"
The boy replies, "It's ok thanks, I think I'll give it a miss. You don't even know your way to the post office."
When another boat came past, the captain shouted out to the preacher, "Do you need help?"
The preacher replied, "No thank you, God will save me."
A short while later another boat came past and the fisherman on it shouted to the preacher, "Do you need any help sir?"
Again the preacher calmly replied, "No thank you, God will save me."
Eventually the poor preacher drowned and of course he went straight to heaven. When he got there, he asked God, "When I was drowning why didn't you save me?"
God replied, "You fool, I sent you two boats!"
He continued, "And now all the women should go through the gates and report to Mary."
After all the women had left, the men quickly sorted themselves into two lines; I say lines but the line with the true heads of the household only had one man in it. The other line of those men dominated by their wives stretched on for what seemed like eternity.
Gabriel addressed this long line, saying "You should be ashamed of yourselves. God appointed you to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your duties. Out of all you men, there is only one who has obeyed God's orders.
He then turned to the man stood all alone in the first line and asked him, "How did you come to be in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
"Yes, dear." he replied. "I was made by God a long time ago."
The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, "And did God make me?"
"Of course, dear." replied her grandfather. "God made you not long ago."
The girl felt her own face and then her granddad's again, thought for a moment and then said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
The teacher says, "That's great honey, but no-one really knows what Jesus looked like."
Susie replies, "They will in a minute."
The man then asks, "God, how much is one million dollars?" and God replies, "To me, it's a penny."
The man thinks and then asks, "God, may I have a penny?"
God replies, "Wait a minute."
The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.
The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.
The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."
Funny Christian Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of funny Christian jokes and humor, then you're sure to love our other religious jokes too, such as these: