Funny banjo jokes and one liners have long been popular among other musicians. And we apologize in advance if you happen to be a banjo player and don’t like banjo jokes!
But absolutely no offence is intended, and so here’s a collection of our favorite banjo jokes.
Funny Banjo Jokes And One Liners
You can always tune up the chain saw.
Because they make good paddles.
The terrorists told authorities that unless their demands were met they would start releasing the banjo players.
An Uzi only repeats 40 times.
He can’t find the key or he doesn’t know when to come in.
Because without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.
Throwing a banjo into the toilet without hitting the seat.
By their names.
One is loud, obnoxious and noisy, the other is a bird.
Start off with two million dollars and buy a banjo.
Not enough sand.
Someone who can play the banjo but doesn’t.
So that they can park in handicap spaces.
The hedgehog has skid marks in front of it.
God doesn’t think he’s a banjo player.
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
They’re all dead.
There’s a slight possibility that the frog might be going to a gig.
A guy whose wife has two jobs.
The garbage gets taken out once a week.
A chain saw has a dynamic range.
A banjo player with a mortgage.
His fingers are moving.
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
She said to me, “Daddy, I didn’t know they put two people in the same grave”.
I replied, “Honey, they never do that.”
So she said, “Well they must do – look for yourself. On the tombstone it says – ‘Here lies a banjo player and a talented musician.'”
A banjo player.
Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.
It has only one branch.
He says, “Hey Doc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in a week! What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, “If it doesn’t work, come back and let me know.”
A week later the guy goes back to the doctor’s and says, “Hey Doc, still no movement!”
The doctor says, “Hmm, I guess you must need something a little stronger,” and prescribes the guy a powerful laxative.
Another week later and the poor guy returns to the doctor’s and says, “Hey Doc, STILL nothing!”
The doctor’s now worried and says to the guy, “Okay, I think we’d better start get some more information about you to try to figure out what’s going on. What do you do for a living?”
The guy replies, “I’m a musician, I play the banjo.”
The doctor looks up and says, “Well, that’s it then! Here’s $10.00. Go get something to eat!”
If all the salad bowls say “Parkay” on the side.
If the car doesn’t have wheels but the house does.
Who gets it?
The old drunk man, of course, the other three are all mythological creatures.
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Who do you ask for directions?
You might as well try the cactus, the other two are figments of your imagination.
You shoot one of them.
Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder.
Everyone is relieved when the case is finally closed.
Keyrings hold the key.
Your wife gets upset when the neighbours borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.
A pizza can feed a family of four.
Only give one of them a banjo.
A banjo player with an answer phone.
They both end up in the gutter eventually.
On his return he was unhappy to find his rear window smashed in and two banjos in the back seat.
Two banjo players.
Man plays it but only God knows why.
The inspector nervously asks the man to set the case on the table.
Sweating, the inspector uses a long stick to slowly open the case which contains a machine gun and miscellaneous explosives.
The inspector lets out a sigh of relief, “Phew! For a minute there, I thought you had a banjo…”
It saves time.
They’re too sensitive.
When he drools out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.
Because it’s set in the future.
8 pounds… including the urn.
Woman: “But doctor, isn’t there anything at all I can do?”
Doctor: “You could marry a banjo-player!”
Woman: “Oh, will I live longer, then”
Doctor: “No, but it will feel much longer.”
As he leaves he notices a sign that says, “WARNING! DO NOT LEAVE CAR UNATTENDED.”
The banjo player leaves anyway.
Wwhen he returns, sure enough someone has broken into his car and put in five more banjos.
“Is that the banjo player’s Porsche?”
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Take off the Domino’s Pizza sign.
If you saw a hedgehog in the road you’d probably swerve to miss it.
It’s hard to put those tiny little beads in those tiny little holes.
Last year’s hide and seek champion.
So he sells the banjo and goes to the music shop to get an accordion.
When he gets to the shop, the assistant tells him the accordions are on the second floor and says, “Just go up and have a look. I’ll be up in a few minutes after I finish serving this customer.”
Five minutes later the assistant goes up to the second floor and asks the guy, “Well, have you picked your accordion?”
The banjo player replies, “Yeah, I like that big orange one over by the wall.”
The assistant says, “Tell me, were you ever a banjo player?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, how did you know that?”
The assistant says, “Because that’s not an accordion, it’s a radiator.”
You tie a rope to the anchor before you throw it overboard.
Because by the time you hear either of them it is too late to run.
Four too many.