I had a dream about a horse last night.
It turned out to be a night mare.
One day a fly is buzzing around a wolf hound and decides to ask him, “What kind of dog are you?”
The dog replies, “I’m a wolf hound.”
The fly says, “A wolf hound? That’s an odd name. Why do they call you that?”
The dog says, “Well it’s quite simple really. My mother was a hound and my dad was a wolf.”
The fly replies, “Oh, I see…”
Then the dog asks the fly, “So, what kind of fly are you?”
The fly says, “I’m a horse-fly.”
The dog says, “NOOO WAAAAYYYYY!!!”
This guy has a 24 inch penis and it’s really getting him down. “I can’t go on like this, my penis is just too long” he thought to himself.
God hears him, takes pity on him and says, “Go to the pond near your home and ask the frog there to marry you. If she says no, you will lose 5 inches of your penis.”
So the guy goes to the pond and proposes to the frog there, and she says no. His penis shrank by 5 inches. So he asked her again and his penis shrank another 5 inches.
He thought to himself, “15 inches is still too long, but 10 inches should be ideal so I’ll ask her again.”
So he asked the frog to marry him again.
She replied, “How many times do I have to tell you!! NO! NO! NO!”
Bob walks into a bar and sits next to a man who has a dog next to him.
He says to the man, “Has your dog ever bitten anyone?”
The man replies, “No” but then the dog jumps up and bites Bob on the arm.
“I thought you said your dog’s never bitten anyone!” shouts Bob.
The man says, “I know. That’s not my dog.”
There was a knock at my door earlier. When I opened the door a policeman was stood there…
“Mr Jones?”, he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog’s just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “I don’t think so – my dog doesn’t have a bike.”