Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Sundial

Son: “Hey Dad, how does a sundial work?”

Dad hands son a phone…

Dad: “Ok, now just call someone.”

Son: “Why can’t you do it?”

Dad: “Because that would be a daddial.”

Smiley laughing at extremely funny joke!

Time Machine

When I was a little boy, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

Now at last I’ve managed to invent a time machine of my own, so I’m going to go back to when he was a little boy so I can punch him and see how he likes it.

Rabbit smiley laughing at a good joke

Sleeping Pet

Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try.

My goldfish died.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Anaesthetic Choice

Before my surgery, the anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Job Offer

I was offered a job today but I turned it down because they were only willing to pay me in vegetables.

The celery was unacceptable.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Fencing

I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing.

The neighbors said they’ll call the police if I don’t put it back.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

McDonald’s

McDonald’s tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they’ve learned from their McSteaks.