Funny Boob Jokes And Puns
Boob jokes are the breast jokes! So we've juggled our options and decided to rack up a huge collection of funny boob jokes and puns just for you.
Yes, we're going to milk these for all they're worth!
And so we hope you enjoy these boob jokes.
Best Boob Jokes
Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
I was telling a girl I met in a bar last night about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling her boobs.
"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"
"Yesterday?" I replied.
A man goes up to a very beautiful, big-breasted woman in the supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes?"
The woman is confused and asks, "Why talk to me?"
The guy says, "Because every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."
If there was a saggy boob competition my wife would beat everyone.
In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them.
A girl just walked past me who was so pretty I forgot to look at her boobs.
Girl: What color are my eyes?
Researchers say that one day it'll be conceivable to develop new body parts, such as new breasts and new hands.
It's expected to be a huge moneymaker, on the grounds that when ladies develop another breast, men will need another hand.
What's the origin of the word "Boob"?
The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view.
Who coined the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I feel like should put my breast in an envelope and send it to somebody.
What do toys and boobs have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them.
A flat chested young woman goes out looking for a new bra one day.
She tries shop after shop trying to find a size 28A yet she can't get one anywhere.
Finally, in desperation, she tries her fortunes in a little unmentionables shop run by an woman who's hard of hearing.
"Have you got anything in size 28A?" asks the young woman.
"What was that, dear?" says the old woman.
The young woman repeats herself again.
Still the old woman can't hear her, so the young woman lifts up her T-shirt baring her breasts and says, "Have you got anything for these?"
The old woman peers at the woman's boobs and says, "No, dear. Have you tried Clearasil?"
What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support here people are going to think we're nuts."
A woman suggests to her husband that she have surgery to make her breasts bigger.
Her husband suggests she rub bathroom tissue between them instead.
"How will that make my breasts bigger?" asks the woman.
"I don't have a clue," replies her husband, "But it worked for your ass."
What kind of bees produce milk?
What did the bra say to the hat?
"You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift."
What do you call a woman who adds a third boob?
Boobs are proof men can concentrate on two things at once.
What happened to the big breasted streaker at the pop concert?
She was thrown out by the bouncers.
Why did God give women breasts?
So that men would talk to them.
Why is the space between a woman's boobs and her hips called a waist?
Because you could fit another pair of boobs there.
What did the ghost say to the hornets?
What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
It's Braille for "Suck here".
What do you call the space in between a pair of fake breasts?
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
What do you call a nanny with a breast implants?
A faux pair.
This morning I was beaten up by a big breasted woman in an elevator.
I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1, please?"
So I did.
I don't remember much after that.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her boobs went.
What do you call identical boobs?
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Boobs don't have eyes.
What do you call a redhead with large breasts?
A teenage girl goes to the doctor.
He places a stethoscope against her chest and says, "Big breaths."
She says, "Yeth, thir, and I'm only thixteen."
How are a blonde's breasts and a pad alike?
Neither are recommended for the beach and both come in different absorbency levels.
A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."
But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.
When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" the woman asked.
"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."
The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
What did one boob say to the other boob?
You're my breast friend.
Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells?
Her boobs were too big for B shells.
My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday.
She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.
Why did God give women boobs and nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
A guy bets a full figured girl a dollar that he can make her boobs move without touching them.
Since this doesn't seem possible, the girl is intrigued and accepts the bet.
So the guy steps up, cups his hands around her breasts and jiggles them up and down.
With a baffled look, the girl says, "Hey, you touched my boobs."
The guy replies, "Yeah, I owe you a dollar."
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.
Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?
You open it and it's half empty.
My wife was getting ready to go out last night when I said, "You can't wear that, I can see your boobs under it."
"So you can," she said. "Do I need to wear a bra?"
I said, "Yeah, either that or a longer dress."
A new study has revealed that women with big boobs are smarter than women with smaller boobs.
Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn't really listening.
An old married couple decide to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by booking the suite where they had their honeymoon all those years ago.
The first morning they have breakfast in bed and the wife says, "My dear, this is so romantic. My breasts feel all warm and tingly."
"I'm not surprised." replies her husband, "One's hanging in your coffee and the other's lying on my bacon!"
When is the last time most overweight men have touched a breast?
When they got a KFC bucket.
I once dated a girl with one boob bigger than the other.
She entered a wet T-shirt competition and came first and third.
What's worse than having a girlfriend with no boobs?
Having no girlfriend and boobs.
I'm no marketing expert, but if I was selling milk the cartons would be boob-shaped.
When I come into some money I'm going to buy my wife a much bigger rack.
She's got far too many CDs.
Things just haven't been the same between me and my girlfriend since the breast reduction.
I thought they were big, bouncy and sexy.
She thought I looked like a woman.
Boob Jokes & Puns
If you liked our funny boob jokes and puns, check out the breast of our site for lots more sex jokes, including these: