Why did the blonde snort Sweet and Low?
She thought it was diet coke.
A blonde pushes her car into a gas station one day.
She tells the mechanic it just died as she was driving along.
The mechanic works on it and soon has the engine idling smoothly.
The blonde asks him, “So, what’s the story?”
The mechanic says, “Just crap in the carburettor.”
The blonde asks, “Okay, how often do I have to do that?”
There are these three blondes stood on one side of the river one day, wondering how they’re going to get across to the other side.
The first blonde, in desperation, begins to pray, “God please make me smart enough to get across this river.”
God hears this and turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river.
The second blonde then also starts to pray, saying, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river.”
So God turns her into a redhead and she builds a boat and rows across the river.
The third blonde, seeing this, also start to pray. She says, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined.”
So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.
A blonde woman turns up at work in floods of tears. Her boss asks her what’s wrong.
She replies, “My mom died.”
The boss tells her to go home but she insists she’ll be fine.
Later that day, the boss finds her in floods of tears again so he asks if she’s okay.
She replies, “Not really. I just talked to my sister and her mom died too.”
A blonde woman is having a medical examination at the doctor’s.
The doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let’s check the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble…”
The blonde starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…
“No! No! Just stick out your tongue!”
A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her.
The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets.
He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.”
Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks:
“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
I was talking to this blonde girl in a bar last night and I told her I could guess what day women were born just by feeling their boobs.
“Oh yeah?” she said, “Go on then… tell me when I was born”
After about thirty seconds of me fondling her boobs, she finally lost patience and demanded “Come on then, what day was I born?”
“Yesterday.” I replied.
These two blondes were going to California for the summer.
They’re about two hours into the flight when the pilot comes on the intercom and says, “We’ve just lost an engine but it’s all right, we have three more so nothing to worry about. It will take us about an hour longer to get there, that’s all.”
A half hour later the pilot comes on the intercom again and says, “We’ve just lost another engine but it’s all right, we still have two more so nothing to worry about. It will just take us an extra half hour to get there.”
One of the blondes turns to the other and says “If we lose the two last engines we’ll be up here all day.”
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first and the redhead second.
The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and a drink she said, “I don’t want to complain, but I’m pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.”
A blonde and a redhead are walking in the woods one day when the redhead suddenly has a heart attack and falls to the ground.
Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone, calls the police and shouts, “Help! I think my friend is dead, what should I do?”
The policeman who answered the phone says, “Ok, calm down and listen to me. The first thing to do is to make sure that they really are dead….”
There’s a silence…
Then a loud gunshot…
Then the blonde comes back on the phone and says, “Okay, now what?”
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: “Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?”
The big woman replies: “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6’5″, weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kick-boxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”
The guy thinks about it a second and says: “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”