Funny Bible Jokes
These funny bible jokes are made of the rite stuff. Just like Samson, they're sure to bring the house down.
So we hope you enjoy this collection of funny bible jokes of truly epic proportions. Study them religiously!
As long as he was Abel.
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Johnny paid particular attention when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later that week, Johnny's mother found him lying on his bed as though he were ill, and asked him, "Johnny, what's the matter?"
Johnny replied, "I've got a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Because it was a bird of pray.
When God gave Moses two tablets.
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Adam - he was first in the human race.
Because sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn't.
Samson. He brought the house down.
Just before Eve.
Crown him with many crowns.
Job, because he cursed the day he was born.
On the side of his head.
The area around the River Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Only a Baptist could stand next to a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit.
By his net income.
Because He didn't want any advice on how to do it.
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
At one particular house it was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but nobody came to the door.
The pastor knocked and knocked but no-one answered so finally took out his card and wrote on the back:
Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."
The next day the same card showed up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was another scripture passage.
Genesis 3:10 - "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself."
Adam, intrigued, asked, "Oh, what is it?"
The angel said, "It's not an 'it,' it's a 'she.' God is going to make something called a woman for you."
Adam, even more intrigued, said, "Tell me more."
The angel said, "This is going to be fantastic. This woman will be a lot like you physically, only much more beautiful. She will live to serve you at all times. When you are tired, she'll give you a massage. When you are hungry, she'll feed you. She'll come and bow down to you in the morning and when you return from working in the garden in the evening. She'll live to serve your every pleasure each day."
"And what's more," the angel continued, "she will never argue with you or complain. She won't nag you or talk back to you either. For every command you give her, she'll simply reply, 'yes, Master.' She'll clean your house, and tend to your every desire."
Adam had a sparkle in his eye and said with excitement, "Wow, that sounds amazing. I'd really like to have something like that. But what's it going to cost me?"
The angel said, "It's going to cost you your right arm, and a leg."
Adam thought about it for a while, and then asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
So God sat them down at a computer each, and told them to type up an article written on a piece of paper. The first to finish the typing would be the winner.
So both Jesus and the Devil started typing away frantically.
Suddenly, there was a power cut and both computers switched off. Their typing work had disappeared from the screens.
When the power was restored, and the computers re-booted, Jesus's work re-appeared on his screen, but the Devil couldn't get his back and had lost all his work. So God declared Jesus to be the winner.
The Devil complained bitterly to God saying that it wasn't fair at all and demanded a rematch, but God said...
"Stop whinging Satan, you know why Jesus got his work back? Everyone knows "JESUS SAVES!"
Bible Jokes & Humor
If you enjoyed our collection of funny bible jokes, be sure to check out our other funny religious jokes, such as these: