Bad breath jokes tend to stink! But not these ones – we’ve collected together the best we could find just for you. We hope you enjoy this bumper collection of funny bad breath jokes and puns.
Bad Breath Jokes
I was talking to someone in the waiting room at the time.
This resulted in an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail.
And as a result of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Luckily, I don’t need to worry about that since discovering free chewing gum under desks.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
A canoeist is passing by, when his canoe suddenly sinks and he disappears under the water and doesn’t re-surface.
After about 10 minutes, the first angler asks the second one if he saw what happened. He said, yes he had.
The first angler says, “Don’t you think we ought to look for him?”
The second angler agrees so they go into the water with their waders and, after searching for a while, drag out a lifeless body.
The first angler says, “Go on then, do something, give him the kiss of life!”
So the second angler kneels down and opens the mouth of the victim.
He pulls away in disgust, “Urrghh! I’m not breathing into that! God, his breath smells revolting!”
The first angler says, “Don’t be so sensitive, this is a life or death situation, you know!” and he kneels down, but he’s also beaten back by the bad breath.
A third fisherman, who has been watching with interest from nearby says, “I think you idiots have got the wrong guy!”
The anglers ask, “What makes you think that?”
“Because that one’s still got his ice skates on!”
My friend asked, “Why one minute later?”
I said, “That’s how far away she was.”
He had bat breath.
But an onion a day keeps everyone away.
While this is going on, the wife is sitting in the bed saying to herself, “How do I tell my husband I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve been lucky enough to keep it from him while courting, but now we’re married, he’s bound to find out. How do I tell him gently?”
Eventually, the husband plucks up enough courage to go and tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, sits next to his wife and puts his arm around her neck. Then he moves his face close to hers and says, “My darling, I’ve got a confession to make.”
She replies, “So have I, my dear.”
The husband says, “Don’t tell me – you’ve eaten my socks!”