I’ve invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it gets within 4 inches.
Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
Bob walks into a bar and sits next to a man who has a dog next to him.
He says to the man, “Has your dog ever bitten anyone?”
The man replies, “No” but then the dog jumps up and bites Bob on the arm.
“I thought you said your dog’s never bitten anyone!” shouts Bob.
The man says, “I know. That’s not my dog.”
My friend has always been the kind of guy that gets stressed over everything.
Lately though he doesn’t have a care in the world so I asked him, “Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?”
“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “It only costs me a thousand dollars a week.”
“A thousand dollars a week? How on earth are you going to afford that?” I asked.
“I don’t know. That’s his problem…”
There was a knock at my door earlier. When I opened the door a policeman was stood there…
“Mr Jones?”, he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog’s just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “I don’t think so – my dog doesn’t have a bike.”