Funny Short Joke

Father And Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Got him a Fosters ….. he didn’t like it – I had it.

Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn’t like it so I had it.

It was the same with Guinness and Cider.

By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the pram home.

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Funny Joke

Just One Potato

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?”

I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please.”

She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”

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Boy laughing at short funny joke

Funny Autocorrect Joke

A man received a text from his neighbor:

“I’m so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been tapping your wife, day and night, when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: “Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’ not ‘wife’!”

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Funny Short Joke

Expectant Father

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his pregnant wife was getting on.

By mistake he was connected to the Lord’s cricket ground.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Fine,” came the answer,

“We’ve got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.”

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Funny Short Joke

Taxi Home Joke

I got a taxi home last night and when it pulled up the driver said “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

I said “I’ve only got 5, can you reverse a bit?”

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Funny Short Joke

Dog Walks Into Bar

A dog walks into a bar, and takes a seat.

He says to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please’.

The barman says, ‘Wow, that’s amazing! You should join the circus!’

The dog replies, ‘Why? Do they need electricians?’

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Funny Joke

Wicker Chairs

Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship.

The first one asks, “Have you read Marx?”

The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”

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