What currency do they use in outer space?
What do you call crystal clear urine?
How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?
Tell him Obama put it in.
What did the cold and angry man have for dinner?
What’s Yoda’s last name?
My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently.
I don’t advertise my lip reading business.
It’s all word of mouth.
A cute girl at work said she’d only go on a date with me on a day that doesn’t end in ‘Y’.
I said, “Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow!”
Every morning for the past six months, I’ve announced loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I haven’t.
It’s a running joke.
Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur fart.
They described it as a blast from the past.
Just so everybody’s clear…
I’m going to put my glasses on.
They should stock ATMs better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8.
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it’s cheaper.
My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.
It was hard to grasp.
My Grandma is in her 90’s and she still doesn’t need glasses.
She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
My friend just called me the worst best man ever.
I was speechless.