Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

School Report

My mum said, “I’m not happy with your school report.”

I said, “Okay.”

She said, “I want more As”.

I replied, “OKAAAAAAAAAY.”

Read More

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Kids’ Beds

My friend said to me, “I won’t use stores that gender kids’ beds.”

I said, “Like a boycott?”

She said, “Don’t you start.”

Read More

Rabbit smiley laughing at a good joke

Under Pressure

Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

Read More

Smiley laughing at a good joke

Voodoo Doll

I called my wife at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Sounding concerned, she said, “No.”

I said, “How about now?”

Read More

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Best Years Of Your Life

Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old.

Those are the years you’re in your prime.

Read More

Grinning at good joke

Asked To Leave

The bouncer said to me, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

I said, “Why?”

They said, “I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline.”

Read More

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Rare Disease

The doctor looked at my test results and said, “Sir, you’ve got a very rare disease.”

I said, “How rare?”

He said, “You pick the name.”

Read More