I’m giving away my chimney for free.
It’s on the house.
As the coffin is being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams, “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters…
“Too late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork.”
A blonde woman is having a medical examination at the doctor’s.
The doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let’s check the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble…”
The blonde starts taking off her knickers but is interrupted by the doctor…
“No! No! Just stick out your tongue!”